Don’t Just Do Something Sit There

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." —Winnie the Pooh

Mid Life seems to be full of curve balls. It’s ironic that when we should be at the top of our game- finally reaping the rewards of years of hard work - Bam the unexpected happens. We get laid off. Our spouse asks for a divorce. We have a health challenge.

Everyone has their “Covid story”. For me, it ironically landed over my 50th birthday. My business was forced to shut down and I had to tell my staff with tears in my eyes “Go home. Take care of your families. Stay safe.”

There is no remote work option when you own a hotel and initially there was no assistance for my oppressive monthly debt payment. Odds were very good that I’d lose it all.

As a small business owner I have always had a fair tolerance for uncertainty. Business in the real world demands this. While uncertainty in the spring of 2020 was difficult for most of us, for me the feeling of helplessness was worse.

Both in business and in life, when things fall apart, our natural inclination is to try to fix things, and fix them as quickly as possible. This can work well in “business-as-usual” times. Most people generally have an idea of what they want from life and where they are going. Just like a thermostat, we naturally course correct if things take us too far from a certain comfort zone.

But what if there is nothing you can do? When COVID-19 hit and I was ordered to close my business, as soon as my mind clicked into gear most mornings, I was hit with fear, anxiety, and dread. After all, who wants to sit idly by and watch their business go under?

The only way out of this emotional soup was to ask myself these three questions:
·      Right now, in this moment, is everything OK?
·      Has any new information come in that I need to be aware of?
·      Is there any decision I must make right now?

As I’d go through this checklist, in most cases, everything really was OK for the moment and there wasn’t anything I needed to do or change. The present moment was fine. It was the future that seemed ominous.

I have since come to believe that this “need to do something” is how many people deal with the discomfort of feeling our feelings in hard times. This compulsive behavior of turning anxiety to action keeps us distracted so that we don’t feel the fear, the anxiety, the dread.

It also creates a nice illusion of control, because if we’re doing something—anything—then we don’t have to feel how powerless we really are when things are falling apart.

I am once again at an interesting crossroads and having to dance with uncertainty.

The hardest thing has been to sit with the uncomfortable questions of “Now What?”; “How Did I Get Here"?” and “What If?” without rushing into a solution.

Well meaning friends and even strangers reach out to offer helpful solutions. Why are we so uncomfortable with feeling our feelings instead of thinking we need to take action to fix and change them?

How often could I bring just a little serenity into my life if I could accept the things I can’t change; have the courage to change the things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference.

I’d love to hear from other people who try to fix their feelings with action. Would the above questions help you?