Isn't There a Pill for This

"She goes running for the shelter of her mother's little helper." The Rolling Stones

Why do I feel such shame about declaring I am having a mid-life crisis?

Why does it feel so eye roll and cringe-worthy?

I suppose it’s because at 53 we’re supposed to have our shit together.

My kids can be struggling with what major to declare or job offers to take. That’s what you do in your late teens and early twenties.

A course correction in one’s early thirties is understandable. Some people even give it a cool name “your Saturn return”.

These are age-appropriate developmental crises.

But in your late forties and into your fifties? It feels at best like a failure and at worse like a cliché.

It also feels so self-indulgent. Maybe that’s my struggle.

As women are we allowed to just be myopically self-indulgent?

I think men do it differently. At least based on the clichés. For them, they appear to hit a terrifying realization that they are losing their virility. So they go out and acquire things to prove they still have it: young women, sports cars, and perhaps a pill to help the symbol of their virility work better.

My crisis (I really am beginning to think I need to give it a name) is less defined. It’s an amorphous blob of worries, fear, regrets, longings, and aspirations mixed in with a healthy dose of cynicism and exhaustion. I don’t think there is a pill for this.

I’ve also come to the startling realization that perhaps we, Gen X, are the first women to actually have mid-life crises. Did our mothers? Our grandmothers? We don’t have a playbook for this, do we?

We certainly are the first generation that en masse had the ability to get educated and do more or less whatever we wanted with our adult lives. I think it’s hard to have a crisis without responsibility.

If your choices were limited by society and therefore not really your own it would seem a little unrealistic to struggle with them.

On the other hand, why isn’t this a developmental stage?

Is that the problem? Shouldn’t everyone have a midlife crisis? That would at least normalize it.

I like the fantasy that when we lived tribally a woman would hit a certain age and start exhibiting certain signs or saying certain crazy things and the wise elders would nod to themselves with a knowingness in their eyes.

They would gather her into a circle and gently tell her – “Congratulations, you’re having your mid-life crisis.” They would then put a cool-ass robe on her put flowers in her hair and tell her “Don’t worry.

We’ll make sure your teenagers are doing their A-level revisions and that your husband doesn’t starve to death in your absence. Get out of here – go have your crisis. Oh, and don’t worry your job will be waiting for you when you return.”

Can we have paid mid-life crisis leave, please? Like maternity leave but for 50-year-olds.

Maybe that’s what’s being called for here – a gestation, labor, and delivery of the next iteration of ourselves.

A pause.

A sacred pause to say time is running out.

This isn’t a dress rehearsal.

Look back on where you’ve been. Honor all you’ve lived up until this moment. Now go deep within yourself.

We never know how long we have on this earth walk but even in the normal course of a life maybe you have another 10-15 good years before your days are consumed with doctors’ appointments.

What do you want to do with the time you have left? Don’t skip this moment. Don’t stay on autopilot. Dig deep into the primordial soup.

Give birth to the truest expression of yourself!

Damn, that feels like a lot of pressure.

Isn’t there a pill for this?