June is the Cruelest Month
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Dan Wilson
T.S. Eliot had an issue with April.
In the Northern Hemisphere January is pretty bleak.
August has the infamous dog days.
However, my vote goes to June.
Despite it being my birthday month (hooray) my vote goes to the month of weddings and graduations because it is also the month of unacknowledged grief.
It’s interesting isn’t it that as humans we tend to focus on the positive - the new beginnings - the celebration inherent with milestones.
Walk down any greeting card aisle in June and you’re bombarded with “Congrats Grad!” “For the Happy Couple…” “On Your Special Day!”
Where, I wonder, are the cards that say: “For Mom, As Your Little Boy Drives Away” “To Dad, With Sympathy on Gaining a Son In Law” “To my Sis, I Know the House Will Feel Empty When I’m Gone.”
Yes, I’m being a bit tongue in cheek and there is a truth here: There are no beginnings without a corresponding ending. For every person excited to start a new chapter in their lives there are other people who are perhaps not quite ready to have the old chapter end. Unfortunately, we don’t really have a way to honor that truth. Yes, there can be joy there too - of course there is: maybe you actually like your new son in law. Who isn’t thrilled to lose an oppressive tuition payment? The problem is that June celebrations inherently hold space for those joys. What they don’t hold space for is the losses.
It can be strange to be in the midst of a celebration and feel an emotional twinge - to feel somehow apart from all of the merry making - to have your insides not quite align with the demeanor of your outside self. How many of us go up to someone at a wedding or a graduation or even a birth and say: “I bet this day is a little hard for you.”
Even for those in the throes of the excitement of the new there is also loss. A marriage means giving up the freedom and selfishness of singledom. Graduating means leaving the proximity of friends; of no more summer vacation; of beginnings, yes, but also a moving on. Who hasn’t felt a little lonely or scared in their first grown up job or apartment?
Joseph Campbell invites us to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. I’d like to offer that we can also sorrowfully participate in the joys of the world.
I’d like to offer that we can also sorrowfully participate in the joys of the world.
So, if as the mortar boards fly and the rice is thrown you find a little catch in your throat - just know that it’s ok. There is nothing wrong with you. Hallmark might not have a card for you but it’s ok to honor that kernel of grief while everyone else is doing the hokey pokey.
So true, Maureen. yet I know a couple of parents who are delighted (read: relieved) their twins sons are heading to college. I will ask about that twinge of grief. Come to think of it, I recall my father sayinfg to my first husband soon-to-be on the eve of our wedding "She's all yours now" awiht a similar hint of relief. But that was 55 years ago, and times were different. (Maybe) Keep writing. I love your take on the world and our place in it. Cheers, Anne
So true...... thank you for ending with the Hokey Pokey. I needed to giggle at the end. Very poignant.