Every Woman's the Mother of Something...

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." Oprah Winfrey

When I owned a hotel in Mendocino each Mother’s Day a used to give every woman coming in for breakfast a flower and wished them a Happy Mother’s Day.

Naturally, some women declined, informing me that they weren’t a mother.

I would always protest and insist they take the flower declaring, “every woman is the mother of something.”

I wasn’t being cheeky or politically correct ~ I believe this. Whether you have a human child or not I believe that creating and nurturing something outside of ourselves is the essence of what it means to be a mother. Whether that’s a business, or a book, a symphony or a political cause it is hard work and deserves to be honored.

Why?

Because infant anythings are incredibly needy and vulnerable.

It’s full-time work.

It’s exhausting.

Our fledglings wouldn’t make it to maturation without it.

While baby mammals definitely top the charts in terms of neediness and vulnerability so is every creative endeavor.

New business – needy and vulnerable (90% fail).

Want to write or star in a Broadway play – needy and vulnerable? (80% fail)

What to get sober or work through any other addiction – early sobriety is needy and vulnerable (80% Year One Relapse Rate).

Have you ever tried to grow your own food?  It’s a shocking amount of work and a lot of plants die. (I don’t know the failure percentage but given that I tend to kill any plant I come in contact with I’ll declare them: Needy and vulnerable).

It isn’t easy in our modern world to have the time freedom and the economic security necessary to devote ourselves to creative endeavors. The world might trot out an annual Halmark holiday but that’s different from truly valuing and supporting it.

As a result, many of us try is to “do it all” only to end up exhausted or feeling like we’re constantly letting someone or something down. We all need a day to acknowledge our hard work and to treat ourselves to some pampering.

I realize that this expanded definition of mothering will invite criticism. Aren’t I devaluing the actually hard work of being the mother to a human offspring? I don’t think so. Yes, being a mother to humans is its own order of difficulty. I know and I can’t go on trampolines anymore as a result of those deliveries. Yet I’ve also given birth to non-human children.

I felt the same mama bear protectiveness and creative pride toward my two businesses as I do my kids. I was heartbroken in selling them even though I knew that it was time for them to leave the nest.

My writing is a profound soul child, and while it has the added benefit of not sassing me, it also generates feelings akin to maternal pride.

I’ve had sleepless nights worrying about my sponsees.

I’ve wept bitterly at the loss of my fur children, and no one will convince me we don’t love them just as deeply.

I feel love and devotion and pride for all of my “children”.

So, this piece is for all the women out there who felt left out on May 12th and every “second Sunday in May.” Who maybe tried to have a biological child and couldn’t. Who never wanted to have a human child but feel unseen for all the time and energy they devote but don’t get credit for.

Your non-human children can’t walk into a Hallmark store to buy you a card, but the world would be a little less magnificent without you in it. You probably didn’t have a chance to stay at my place in Mendocino but here is a flower for you today: to honor whatever in your life you’ve put your time and energy and care into.

The world needs all kinds of mothering.

Photo by Kaishin | OneLushLife on Unsplash

Hey gang, I’ve been helping my son study for his IGCSE exams: a truly special level of parenting hell so there is no recording for this week. Thanks for giving me some mama slack.