Oh Maureen! This reflection so resonates with me! In 1997, I made a lateral move as a freelance keyboard accompanist to classroom music. I did so for an increase in the financial stability needed for our household. I was at the top of my performance game~~able to sightread music that I never dreamed would be within my capacity to do. The joy and nourishment I received as a performing musician was tremendous. It was so painful an grief filled to leave my performance career.
Do I regret the decision to make that lateral move? Not at all. Was there unspeakable grief that chased me through the next two decades because I did not recognize how foundational playing (and sharing, i.e., "performance,") were to my neurobiological regulation? Yes. Annnnd ... Over the years I have discovered (to quote you): "...I don’t have to choose between responsibility and possibility. I can craft a life that honors both. Building a safety net doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my dreams or the call to adventure — it means I’m creating the freedom to pursue them more fully, without the constant fear of falling."
I have crafted a life beyond my wildest dreams. I showed up responsibly with dignity, integrity and courage to increase the possibilities in my children's lives. The wheelbarrow analogy across Niagara Falls brings a jolt to my heart! However, using that analogy: I have a house full of wheelbarrows! All of them have brought me safely to shores I never knew were mine to inhabit. Thank you so much, Maureen, for this tremendously insightful and vulnerable shared story of your lived, and still living, experience.
Maureen, you know me better than most people and you know that I struggle when I sense that I am drifting away from adventure or risk or following my dreams - whatever you want to call it. There are a lot of people who actually prefer to LIVE in the safety net; it is where they WANT to be and that's great. No judgement here. But I think that what you are describing is a constant dance, made even more complex when you are dancing solo as a single Mom (as we both are). I think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs and yes, it is hard to think about the next adventure when one is scrambling to figure out how to put food on the table or pay the mortgage or cover the Grad boat cruise fees. I also want to MODEL what it means to live fully to my kids - even if that includes having to be super resourceful and creative with what I have. In my adult life there has always been an ebb and a flow to my financial buoyancy, and that has informed where and how my "WILD" shows up. Yes, at one point it meant picking up and moving to Bali. (That felt liuke 90% dream and 10% safety net) But now, back in BC, with some other responsibilities, the adventure shows up in other ways - like learning to DJ at 50 and dancing until sunrise and swimming in phosphorescence. In the current chapter of my life, where I am also needed by my parents, the magic needs to be infused in smaller bursts, punctuating my otherwise pretty responsible and safety-net oriented life. I think part of it is the lens through which we look as what defines our "dreams." Do they need to be massive shifts or can we build rich elements of our dreams into pockets of our lives to maintain that spark? Tantric yoga is an embodied practice - meaning finding the divine in the everyday experience. Thich Nat Hanh talks about an experience of washing dishes with total presence that, through his lens, is as rich and rewarding as reaching Everest. Im not saying forget the cycling trip across Tibet, but if the timing isn't right, there are ways to infuse the safety net lifestyle with great magic. A psychedelic journey? A single day retreat in silent medication. Radical self-care? A boudoir photoshoot and a pole-dancing class? There is a middle way that one can take when it feels like you can't be standing 100% in your dream state. And as others have shared, maybe doing so is exactly what needs to happen in order for the next big door to open. Mary Oliver writes: "Tell, me, what is it that you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?" I used to always think it was BIG adventures to which she was referring. But now I think it means (for me anyway), remembering stillness and presence. There are adventures and opportunities for rich and transformational experiences everywhere. In a year or two, both of my kids will be launched and the shape of the safety net will look different. For now, I will celebrate a definition and manifestation of magic and dreams that fits this chapter...
Oh Maureen! This reflection so resonates with me! In 1997, I made a lateral move as a freelance keyboard accompanist to classroom music. I did so for an increase in the financial stability needed for our household. I was at the top of my performance game~~able to sightread music that I never dreamed would be within my capacity to do. The joy and nourishment I received as a performing musician was tremendous. It was so painful an grief filled to leave my performance career.
Do I regret the decision to make that lateral move? Not at all. Was there unspeakable grief that chased me through the next two decades because I did not recognize how foundational playing (and sharing, i.e., "performance,") were to my neurobiological regulation? Yes. Annnnd ... Over the years I have discovered (to quote you): "...I don’t have to choose between responsibility and possibility. I can craft a life that honors both. Building a safety net doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my dreams or the call to adventure — it means I’m creating the freedom to pursue them more fully, without the constant fear of falling."
I have crafted a life beyond my wildest dreams. I showed up responsibly with dignity, integrity and courage to increase the possibilities in my children's lives. The wheelbarrow analogy across Niagara Falls brings a jolt to my heart! However, using that analogy: I have a house full of wheelbarrows! All of them have brought me safely to shores I never knew were mine to inhabit. Thank you so much, Maureen, for this tremendously insightful and vulnerable shared story of your lived, and still living, experience.
Maureen, you know me better than most people and you know that I struggle when I sense that I am drifting away from adventure or risk or following my dreams - whatever you want to call it. There are a lot of people who actually prefer to LIVE in the safety net; it is where they WANT to be and that's great. No judgement here. But I think that what you are describing is a constant dance, made even more complex when you are dancing solo as a single Mom (as we both are). I think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs and yes, it is hard to think about the next adventure when one is scrambling to figure out how to put food on the table or pay the mortgage or cover the Grad boat cruise fees. I also want to MODEL what it means to live fully to my kids - even if that includes having to be super resourceful and creative with what I have. In my adult life there has always been an ebb and a flow to my financial buoyancy, and that has informed where and how my "WILD" shows up. Yes, at one point it meant picking up and moving to Bali. (That felt liuke 90% dream and 10% safety net) But now, back in BC, with some other responsibilities, the adventure shows up in other ways - like learning to DJ at 50 and dancing until sunrise and swimming in phosphorescence. In the current chapter of my life, where I am also needed by my parents, the magic needs to be infused in smaller bursts, punctuating my otherwise pretty responsible and safety-net oriented life. I think part of it is the lens through which we look as what defines our "dreams." Do they need to be massive shifts or can we build rich elements of our dreams into pockets of our lives to maintain that spark? Tantric yoga is an embodied practice - meaning finding the divine in the everyday experience. Thich Nat Hanh talks about an experience of washing dishes with total presence that, through his lens, is as rich and rewarding as reaching Everest. Im not saying forget the cycling trip across Tibet, but if the timing isn't right, there are ways to infuse the safety net lifestyle with great magic. A psychedelic journey? A single day retreat in silent medication. Radical self-care? A boudoir photoshoot and a pole-dancing class? There is a middle way that one can take when it feels like you can't be standing 100% in your dream state. And as others have shared, maybe doing so is exactly what needs to happen in order for the next big door to open. Mary Oliver writes: "Tell, me, what is it that you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?" I used to always think it was BIG adventures to which she was referring. But now I think it means (for me anyway), remembering stillness and presence. There are adventures and opportunities for rich and transformational experiences everywhere. In a year or two, both of my kids will be launched and the shape of the safety net will look different. For now, I will celebrate a definition and manifestation of magic and dreams that fits this chapter...
This is beautiful ~ ~ ~