This the problem with so much spiritual marketing. Someone has invested time and focus into something knowable by the mind. They've crossed some indescribable barrier of being. It's beautiful, and now they want to try to describe the indescribable.
[Cue: Tolle]
Eckhart's advice is sound, but it's unclear from the sort of "now" most of us know at a glance.
Most of our "nows" are just stories we're telling ourselves about our present now. They're the cognitive reactions to stimuli, layered so deep and complex, we can't see them because we're standing too close to them. What's worse? Some of our versions of now arise in bodies that have suffered trauma. Noticing the flow of sensations is a scary prospect to such people.
Here is what I find. When I can take the space to pause, I can tune into what is present in the world around me and inside. (They're really the same as a matter of experience, but let's keep this simple.) What I can notice when I calm down is that there is nothing actually dangerous here now. Not really. I'm breathing. I have food in my stomach. There's roof over my head, etc. The only danger is the thoughts, and they're only thoughts; powerful, but they arise and pass away like everything.
I love that you're pushing against this stuff, Maureen Elyse.
Damon - yes! So much of this stuff doesn't come from a trauma informed lens. Dissociating and leaving the now is the best adaptive strategy one can take when stuck in a bad situation. I've used "your" technique many times in the throes of a CPTSD episode. Is my belly full, do I have a warm bed to sleep in tonight etc. and yet true safety requires so much more than that - we long for connection and community and meaning but those things require us to first be in our bodies and showing up authentically.
100%. Safety in the bigger picture is about feeling seen, being held, and holding in return. But I do believe we are far more resourced than is obvious. And it's very NOT obvious for many of us. Bravo for touching into this when you can.
Confession: The path to get to this current version of the life unfolding as Damon has been much longer than I thought it would be when I started meditating eleven years ago. I thought it would work like an ice pack on swollen tissue. It works more like glaciers moving over vast distances. But I can report that there seems to be something fundamentally different about how this bodymind interprets the world in recent years. It's less attached to everything. We confuse attachment with love, its near enemy. Love is always letting everything be as it is. That's some hard shit to do.
This reminded me of an essay by Chris Huntington (from 2013) which the NYT recently reprinted. He spent time working in a prison and got to know a prisoner named Mike who was arrested as a teenager and had served 16 years with 8 left to go.
From the essay:
I used to be angry,” Mike told me. “I’d pick fights over nothing. I was mad to be in prison and I wanted everyone else to be mad, too. But then I realized: Man, this is my life. Do I want to be that guy? Always mad? I’m not going to get married or have a family. Not today. Maybe never. I’m going to be here. I’m a prisoner. There are some things I’m never going to do. And I can spend my life being mad about that, or I can try something else.”
I asked him what he had decided.
“I decided to be the best prisoner I could be,” he said.
This is my life and I'm going to the best prisoner I can.
It has stuck with me. Upon rereading my comment, I realized I didn't make a clean break from quoting the essay. The last line was my reaction to it. I think we all have something which makes us feel like a prisoner of our circumstances and we react by focusing on what we cannot (or can no longer) do. So much better to focus on being the best prisoner we can be.
And thank you for sharing your powerful essays. I look forward to seeing your byline in my inbox.
Oh I so love your follow up comment and yes maybe that needs to be a T shirt or at least a coffee mug “being the best prisoner I can be” because yes we all are prisoners of something even our own minds.
Wow, just saw my spelling, I need to be more present when I write stuff! I guess it is the engineer in me. Seriously though, I don't often stay interested in this type of writing but you are very good at verbalizing the stuff we go through as older adults (in my case much older) but it is still the same. It makes me think and really helps me get through some of the stuff I am struggling with these days. Retiring is a whole different game for me and I've been struggling with what is next instead of enjoying the now! I still have to figure out next steps but I do need to enjoy the now a little more!
I kinda like the typo Bruce - I’ll take great peace 😉 I’m glad my writing speaks to you. I think it’s something we all struggle with but we do it alone wondering “what’s wrong with me”. Hope to see you guys on a trip to BI someday 🙏🏻
This the problem with so much spiritual marketing. Someone has invested time and focus into something knowable by the mind. They've crossed some indescribable barrier of being. It's beautiful, and now they want to try to describe the indescribable.
[Cue: Tolle]
Eckhart's advice is sound, but it's unclear from the sort of "now" most of us know at a glance.
Most of our "nows" are just stories we're telling ourselves about our present now. They're the cognitive reactions to stimuli, layered so deep and complex, we can't see them because we're standing too close to them. What's worse? Some of our versions of now arise in bodies that have suffered trauma. Noticing the flow of sensations is a scary prospect to such people.
Here is what I find. When I can take the space to pause, I can tune into what is present in the world around me and inside. (They're really the same as a matter of experience, but let's keep this simple.) What I can notice when I calm down is that there is nothing actually dangerous here now. Not really. I'm breathing. I have food in my stomach. There's roof over my head, etc. The only danger is the thoughts, and they're only thoughts; powerful, but they arise and pass away like everything.
I love that you're pushing against this stuff, Maureen Elyse.
Damon - yes! So much of this stuff doesn't come from a trauma informed lens. Dissociating and leaving the now is the best adaptive strategy one can take when stuck in a bad situation. I've used "your" technique many times in the throes of a CPTSD episode. Is my belly full, do I have a warm bed to sleep in tonight etc. and yet true safety requires so much more than that - we long for connection and community and meaning but those things require us to first be in our bodies and showing up authentically.
100%. Safety in the bigger picture is about feeling seen, being held, and holding in return. But I do believe we are far more resourced than is obvious. And it's very NOT obvious for many of us. Bravo for touching into this when you can.
Confession: The path to get to this current version of the life unfolding as Damon has been much longer than I thought it would be when I started meditating eleven years ago. I thought it would work like an ice pack on swollen tissue. It works more like glaciers moving over vast distances. But I can report that there seems to be something fundamentally different about how this bodymind interprets the world in recent years. It's less attached to everything. We confuse attachment with love, its near enemy. Love is always letting everything be as it is. That's some hard shit to do.
To both the author and the editor: This was perfect.
Thank you for calling us to reclaim our inner okayness <3
You’re most welcome Nadine and thanks for taking the time to read and comment 🫶🏻
I was kind of taken with Bruce's typo "As usual, great peace, Maureen." Great peace. Peace.
Peace in embracing Now....Makes me think of the phrase "Dancing with the elephants in the room."
This reminded me of an essay by Chris Huntington (from 2013) which the NYT recently reprinted. He spent time working in a prison and got to know a prisoner named Mike who was arrested as a teenager and had served 16 years with 8 left to go.
From the essay:
I used to be angry,” Mike told me. “I’d pick fights over nothing. I was mad to be in prison and I wanted everyone else to be mad, too. But then I realized: Man, this is my life. Do I want to be that guy? Always mad? I’m not going to get married or have a family. Not today. Maybe never. I’m going to be here. I’m a prisoner. There are some things I’m never going to do. And I can spend my life being mad about that, or I can try something else.”
I asked him what he had decided.
“I decided to be the best prisoner I could be,” he said.
This is my life and I'm going to the best prisoner I can.
Wow - so powerful - thanks for sharing 🙏🏻
It has stuck with me. Upon rereading my comment, I realized I didn't make a clean break from quoting the essay. The last line was my reaction to it. I think we all have something which makes us feel like a prisoner of our circumstances and we react by focusing on what we cannot (or can no longer) do. So much better to focus on being the best prisoner we can be.
And thank you for sharing your powerful essays. I look forward to seeing your byline in my inbox.
Oh I so love your follow up comment and yes maybe that needs to be a T shirt or at least a coffee mug “being the best prisoner I can be” because yes we all are prisoners of something even our own minds.
“You’d realize the only thing you have is this moment…” so true.
As usual, great peace, Maureen. Your articles are really good and as usual you nailed it.
Thanks Bruce I really appreciate the props 🙏🏻
Wow, just saw my spelling, I need to be more present when I write stuff! I guess it is the engineer in me. Seriously though, I don't often stay interested in this type of writing but you are very good at verbalizing the stuff we go through as older adults (in my case much older) but it is still the same. It makes me think and really helps me get through some of the stuff I am struggling with these days. Retiring is a whole different game for me and I've been struggling with what is next instead of enjoying the now! I still have to figure out next steps but I do need to enjoy the now a little more!
I kinda like the typo Bruce - I’ll take great peace 😉 I’m glad my writing speaks to you. I think it’s something we all struggle with but we do it alone wondering “what’s wrong with me”. Hope to see you guys on a trip to BI someday 🙏🏻