To "honor [my] roots and roam" fits neatly for this expat, Maureen.
Pride is the confusing misnomer that folks often ascribe here. For me, it's nothing about pride. I had agency in the where and when I was born. But I can stay open to honoring that time and place.
Yes, this. My parents are from different places, I have always lived in the liminal space, and now I am torn between there and here and Portugal where I left my heart on the cliffs. As you say, a paradox. Beautiful and unresolvable and the truth.
So glad you “get it” yes the ah ha was that my “constant grief” wasn’t a design flaw it was part of living a complex and rich life. It is indeed unresolvable.
I read a short story a friend wrote a while back which centered around the concept that “home is where the heart is.” I was surprised at the strong (negative) emotional reaction I had to that phrase. My home, where I have felt the most alive and free has never been where my heart was. Or more accurately it’s that the people I love are never where my home is—and never have been. My parents grew up in New Mexico and Texas, and moved to Tennessee and then to Philadelphia. Each of my parents’ siblings lives in a different state. I moved to California and stayed despite my immediate family being on the east coast. Almost all our vacations are spent visiting family. I (mostly) love being with family, but I could never live where they live. So I have grown up straddling places. It is always a little sad. And I’m never sorry I live in California. And I always want to visit New Mexico and Virginia and Rhode Island and Oregon and South Carolina, etc. I think that is probably why I married an immigrant from Taiwan. He understood the straddling. And the desire to visit family while living somewhere else.
As usual Maureen, you have eloquently expressed my life. We are fellow travelers, Indeed! When I am away I long for the home I love here, and visualize the view I cherish. When I return to it, I look up at every passing jet trail and wonder "when and where to do I get to go again?" The paradox to me is being a citizen of the world, not a single location. It's true many of our friends find that hard to fathom, and so us. Keep writing!
So love that you “get it” - for years that paradox made me feel crazy - but yes citizens of the world indeed we need the home nook and we need to roam!
Mmmmmmmmmmm Maravilhosa ~~~~ Thank you for asking us questions too!!
So well said, and so very, very, very comforting.
To "honor [my] roots and roam" fits neatly for this expat, Maureen.
Pride is the confusing misnomer that folks often ascribe here. For me, it's nothing about pride. I had agency in the where and when I was born. But I can stay open to honoring that time and place.
Yes, this. My parents are from different places, I have always lived in the liminal space, and now I am torn between there and here and Portugal where I left my heart on the cliffs. As you say, a paradox. Beautiful and unresolvable and the truth.
So glad you “get it” yes the ah ha was that my “constant grief” wasn’t a design flaw it was part of living a complex and rich life. It is indeed unresolvable.
Brava! I salute you!
Thanks Eileen 💕
So true, both shores, and all the experiences in between.
Thank you!
So glad it spoke to you
I read a short story a friend wrote a while back which centered around the concept that “home is where the heart is.” I was surprised at the strong (negative) emotional reaction I had to that phrase. My home, where I have felt the most alive and free has never been where my heart was. Or more accurately it’s that the people I love are never where my home is—and never have been. My parents grew up in New Mexico and Texas, and moved to Tennessee and then to Philadelphia. Each of my parents’ siblings lives in a different state. I moved to California and stayed despite my immediate family being on the east coast. Almost all our vacations are spent visiting family. I (mostly) love being with family, but I could never live where they live. So I have grown up straddling places. It is always a little sad. And I’m never sorry I live in California. And I always want to visit New Mexico and Virginia and Rhode Island and Oregon and South Carolina, etc. I think that is probably why I married an immigrant from Taiwan. He understood the straddling. And the desire to visit family while living somewhere else.
It’s nice to know another straddler and I hope I have language to the feeling of always having a little grief no matter where you are 🫶🏻
Powerful testimony—thank you.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
As usual Maureen, you have eloquently expressed my life. We are fellow travelers, Indeed! When I am away I long for the home I love here, and visualize the view I cherish. When I return to it, I look up at every passing jet trail and wonder "when and where to do I get to go again?" The paradox to me is being a citizen of the world, not a single location. It's true many of our friends find that hard to fathom, and so us. Keep writing!
So love that you “get it” - for years that paradox made me feel crazy - but yes citizens of the world indeed we need the home nook and we need to roam!
"All who wander are not lost"- Tolkien